Lackluster sex or struggles with dissociation?
Dissociation can be a common experience during sex for those with Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD).
It can feel frustrating for you, for your partner and for your sexy-time experience.
We’ll go over dissociation— what it may look like during sex— while also providing tips and tricks to get back into your body if you or your partner notice that you’re in a dissociative state.
Dissociation is a symptom of PTSD and can cause you to feel disconnected from your environment, your partner, and even from your body. Dissociation runs the spectrum from casual daydreaming to depersonalization (ie feeling as though you are observing yourself outside of your body) or derealization (ie feeling as though the world and folks around you are unreal). Dissociation can cause us to have gaps in our memory, especially during periods of life that felt unsafe or unstable. Dissociation is a way that the mind protects itself during highly vulnerable situations by not being fully present to a current experience.
Sex can be a very vulnerable and intimate experience for many folks. For those with trauma histories, sex can be a highly triggering event that can activate a dissociative state. If we may be fearful of intimacy or vulnerability it can make sense that we subconsciously may try to protect ourselves from the experience.
During sex with a partner, dissociation can look like:
your mind wandering from the sexual experience (ie thinking about other things outside of what is currently happening)
feeling disconnected from your body
Having a hard time experiencing physical sensations
Difficulties emotionally connecting with a partner during sex
Difficulties achieving orgasms
Dissociation feels frustrating for folks during sex! Many of my clients have noted how excited they were to have sex with a partner, often describing looking forward to a sexual experience for an extended period of time. Once sexy-time commences, my frustrated clients relay stories of not being fully present, noting that they were unable to stay in the moment, resulting in extreme difficulties with orgasms and lackluster sex. Although dissociation during sex can feel like a chronic issue, we can effectively cope with various tips and tricks to bring us back into the moment!
Exploring ways to bring yourself back into your body can look different for everyone.
Below are a few ways to manage dissociative states—
If you use substances, like alcohol and drugs, I recommend a sober sexy experience as a way of staying more fully present. Substances can numb us out of the present moment. Being sober can allow us to be more attentive to ourselves and our partner.
Using the five senses to ground— what can you see, touch, smell, taste, and hear. This could even be a fun foreplay game to get you and your partner into the moment.
Using mindful breathing techniques (ie square breathing) can bring you back into your body if you notice your mind wandering.
Normalizing check-ins during sex with a partner can bring folks to the present moment (ie asking what a partner is liking about a moment and how they are doing).
Dissociation can be a struggle for some and is a symptom that can be managed effectively!
As a trauma-informed sex therapist, I often work with clients who struggle with dissociative states during sex. Weekly therapy can also provide you with ways to better understand dissociation and build insight.
Reach out today if you’d like to learn more about the services I offer and to set up a free 20 minute consultation call. I’m ready to help!
meghan@temperancetherapies.com
612-367-7286