Am I trans or non-binary?
An LGBTQIA+ therapist in Minneapolis, MN shares a window into trans-affirming and LGBTQIA+ therapy with clients exploring gender identity.
We need to normalize gender exploration and our own gender journeys. We all explore our gender in various capacities throughout our lifetime— whether we realize it or not. In this post, we’ll be unpacking and learning about all things gender. We’ll focus on what gender exploration can look like in a therapy session with a trans-affirming provider. As well, I’ll expand upon why it is incredibly normal to think about one’s gender identity. Remember, no answer is wrong. When we answer questions about ourselves this only allows us to better understand who we are.
First off, we need some shared definitions that I’ll be referring to through this blog post—-
Language used in LGBTQIA+ Therapy:
Gender: socially constructed roles and behaviors attributed onto bodies that a given society considers “appropriate”
Gender Identity: how a person experiences gender in their heart, mind, body and soul; their internal sense of self which may or may not correspond to the person’s assigned sex at birth
Gender roles: culturally ascribed roles given to us based on our gender
Gender expression: the way that we adorn ourselves, we can express gender through markers such as clothes, accessories, makeup, voice, body characteristics as well as pronouns
Gender binary: a system made up of two opposing parts. The gender binary does not include a gender spectrum and solely focuses on two genders: man and woman. The gender binary does not include the trans experience.
Cisgender: an individual whose sex assigned at birth matches their gender identity
Transgender: an umbrella term that refers to an individual whose gender identity does not align with their sex assigned at birth. There is no right way to identify as transgender. There is a right way around supporting trans individuals.
Non-binary: an individual who experiences their gender identity outside of the female-male gender binary
Agender: an individual who does not experience having a reflection of a gender identity
Gender expansive: umbrella term used to describe individuals who expand notions of gender expression/ identity beyond societal gender norms, beyond the gender binary
Gender expansive terms can include but are not limited to—
Gender fluid
Non binary
Gender non conforming or gender variant
Gender queer
Cross dressing
Living “part time”
This list is by no means exhaustive. Please check out The Trevor Project: Glossary and PFLAG for more definitions concerning gender identity
Gender Exploration in a Therapeutic Setting
When I’m first sitting with someone who is wanting to explore their gender identity, I will first thank them for sharing with me this information. I note that it’s important for someone to feel as safe and secure as possible when exploring parts of their identity. I ask if there’s anything I can do to help them feel more comfortable.
I usually tell my client that I cannot tell them if they are trans or non-binary. Only they can. They are the expert of their own lived experience. I often note that I can explore various aspects of gender exploration and be a soundboard for them. If at the end of these conversations, they identify their gender in a new and different way, I validate their experience. And, we start to explore options around what can feel most affirming to their gender identity. Maybe that includes elements of social transition and/or medical transition. Remember, there is no right way to be transgender!
I often ask my client if they’ve been sitting with questions around their gender for a long time or if there was a recent event that caused them to start thinking about their gender identity more actively. I ask this as an information-gathering question. There is no right answer to that question. It’s mostly served to understand better how my client relates to their social identity.
Maybe they think about gender expression and gender identity constantly and consistently.
Perhaps they experienced pleasure exploring gender in a new way recently.
Or, it could be that they started expressing gender in a different way and it felt affirming!
It’s important to remember that not all conversations around gender need to be centered around struggle and stress. But, it’s also OK if it is.
Gender Expression and Mindfulness through LGBTQIA+ therapy in Minneapolis, MN
During conversations with clients who are starting to explore their gender, I may ask them if they would like for me to use different pronouns for them or if there is another name I should use when referring to them. Exploring different ways to relate to oneself via different pronouns or a different name incorporates a lot of mindfulness around exploring how our bodies respond to different representations of gender that we can experiment with.
I also may ask if my client has started exploring different ways of expressing gender via wearing different types of clothing than they historically have. Maybe my client is assigned male at birth and has started exploring wearing dresses in private or nail polish. Again, I explore gender expression as a mindfulness tool. This activity can be incredibly fun and validating for folks exploring different ways to express their gender.
As well, clients may explore wearing certain items of clothing, noting that it made them feel dysphoric and unsettled. Again, mindfulness is an important tool when exploring social identity.
Why is it important to explore one’s gender?
Because gender is consistently a part of personal development throughout their lifetime! Gender is a pillar of social identity, and seeing an LGBTQIA+ therapist in Minneapolis, MN for gender therapy can help.
Gender identity through the stages of development
Across the gender spectrum, people (including— cis, trans, gender-expansive, agender, and non-binary folks) interact with representations of gender and gender expression constantly and consistently throughout their lifetime. Sometimes the first interaction with gender occurs when folks are in-utero via a gender reveal party. I’ll save my negative feelings about gender reveal parties for another day. Here’s a quick timeline around how embedded gender identity is for folks starting at very young ages.
Around ages 2-3 years, an individual may start to have a semblance of gender identity. They may start to hear and understand language and cultural cues of what kinds of toys to play with (the gender binary, unfortunately, reigns around this time) and they may be put in certain clothes (ie pink for girls; blue for boys) based on their assigned sex at birth.
At 4-5 years old— an individual may have first-hand experience and understanding of gender roles. Individuals may learn what is appropriate and what isn’t based on their gender identity— specifically around play. Kids may learn how to express gender via playing with their peers.
At 8-12 years old— kids are starting to go through puberty. There is a spike in suicidal ideation and social anxiety for transgender and gender-expansive kiddos.
Puberty blockers may come into play for trans kids— pausing puberty; if insistent, consistent, and persistent about their transgender experience.
17 years and older— autonomy and authentic selves, sharing their idea of gender
Taking a quick look at this timeline shows us why more and more people want therapeutic spaces to incorporate work with gender identity in Minneapolis, MN. Gender is a part of our everyday life.
Start LGBTQIA+ Therapy in Minneapolis, MN Today
I hope this blog post can provide some insight into how LGBTQIA+ therapy can look at my Minneapolis, MN-based therapy practice. Further, seeing an LGBTQIA+ therapist can help if you are starting to take steps towards better understanding your gender identity and/or exploring a more affirming gender identity for you. Social identity development is incredibly vulnerable and healing work. Gender expansive folks can get a lot out of LGBTQIA+ therapy with a trans-affirming provider.
Remember, there is no right way to be trans but there is a right way to be supportive of trans and gender-expansive individuals. Thinking about our gender identity is a very normal process and can be a truly creative and pleasure-filled space. As well, engaging in deep healing work with a trauma therapist who focuses on gender struggles can also be just as transformative.
Below I’ve added a free checklist if you’re ready to find a trans-affirming or LGBTQIA+ therapist in Minneapolis, MN to work with on gender exploration.
Other Services at Temperance Therapies in Minneapolis, MN
If you’d like to learn more about gender identity development from an LGBTQIA+ therapist, please reach out and contact me! However, I offer other services here at my Minneapolis, MN therapy practice. I am here to support you through trauma therapy, therapy for teens, couples therapy, and even sex therapy. Reach out today for a consult.
meghan@temperancetherapies.com
612.367.7286
Meeting clients at the Ivy Building (2637 27th Ave S, Suite 216 B, Minneapolis, MN 55406)
in the Seward neighborhood of South Minneapolis
—-and——
Offering online therapy within greater Minnesota
